I also reviewed and edited my week 6 artist conversation with Alice Andreini.
3 technical things:
- “For this week I got a chance to talk to Alice Andreini.” – I forgot to put a comma after the word “week.”
- “She has an artistic background, due to her being a theater designer, however, she didn’t get serious about painting until about five years ago.”- I accidentally placed and unnecessary comma between “background” and “due.”
- “But, she still likes things to be open.” I made this sentence a fragment. I should’ve continue the sentence instead of making a complete new sentence. Also, I shouldn’t have started the sentence using “but.”
Conceptual (need to be clearer):
- “Her favorite is oil painting.” – Perhaps I should’ve expanded or reword the sentence. I would’ve reword the sentence as, “Her favorite method to paint is oil painting.” I believe that If I just said “her favorite is oil painting, then no one else wouldn’t understand.
- “When her mother was sick, Alice would help her out in the garden and thought that it would be a great subject.” – I think that rephrasing this sentence would make the sentence more clearer. (ex. “Whenever her mother was sick, Alice would help to garden. When she was helping her, she began to think that this would be a great subject to paint.”)
- “She stated that, “art is a privileged activity-so army men was a reminder of the need for protection and the destructive element.”’- Perhaps I should’ve gone more into detail to what the artist’s was talking about.
- “Seeing the little army men made me think about being a little kid and playing in my mother’s garden.” – I liked how I was able to relate to this painting.
Overall, I believe that the blog post was good. The things I need to work on is to make my sentences more complex. When I reread my blog post, I could see simple sentences that could have a comma in between them. I also believe that I should analyze the artwork more. Usually art would have meaning to them. If I don’t analyze what the artist is trying to convey, then that would make the art less relatable. I should also work on proof reading my blog post, because most of the mistakes I did was from the lack of rereading.