For this week’s activity, I reviewed Natalie Marquez’s week 6 blog post on Sery Kwon.
3 Technical items:
- “For this week’s gallery I choose the Gatov-East where Site Lines by Sery Kwon, Laura Lopez, and Alice Andreini’s artwork took place in.” – Place a comma after gallery.
- “Sery Kwon is 23 years old and was born and raised in Korea and she came to the United States when she was 15 years old.” – Too many uses of “and,” rephrase the sentence to make it flow better or put a period to make it 2 sentences.
- “Her favorite colors are coral and purple and she feels happy when she sees it or uses it on her paintings.” – Rephrase. (ex. When she uses or sees her favorite colors, coral and purple, she feels happy.)
Conceptual things ( Needs to be Clearer):
- “When she started painting she did not like the way it turned out and started painting over a lot of paint and by the end she was writing things down and liked it the most.” – This sentence kinda confused me. Did she write things down on her paintings and liked it the most?
Conceptual things (good):
- “My favorite piece from all four is the Dublin painting because it shows a lot of emotion and I can see the way Sery was feeling during her experience.”- It needs a comma before because, but I like the way she expressed how she felt when she saw Kwon’s painting.
- “Her favorite colors are coral and purple and she feels happy when she sees it or uses it on her paintings.” – I thought this was relatable, because my favorite colors are also coral and purple!
- “The materials she used for her paintings were rice paper and acrylic paint.” – I thought this was interesting. The artist used rice paper instead of regular paper. Makes me wonder why she decided to use rice paper instead of regular paper.
I thought that this blog post was very informational about the artist. I know why she became an artist, when she came here, how old she is, her painting style, and the materials she uses. The things that need to be fix would be, grammar, sentence rephrasing, and using more formal writing. A lot of her sentences felt too wordy and awkward. Also, when putting a comma in between sentences, imagine taking a pause in between. If you took a pause in between a sentence, that’s when you put in a comma. You should also not use the artist’s first name; use their last name, because it is more formal. Lastly, try to place a link of the artist’s information within the text to make it easier for the person reading.
(Example of in text link)
Natalie Marquez’s Blog: marqueznatalie.wordpress.com